With that kind of money what does a Neta do?

I have always wondered, on hindsight, why I milked my poor folks for educating me. I therefore decided to do a rain check, on the very conservative side, this evening, on how much I financially missed in life by not joining the Aya Ram-Gaya Ram Neta Brigade.

The most interesting part is that a Neta makes preparatory money in the lower echelons than at the top, unless he is a minister.

Take the area councillor for instance. Assuming a very modest Rs. 2 lakh each per building plan sanction and completion/occupancy certificate spread over, say 200 buildings per annum in that circle, over a tenure of five years nets Rs. 40 crore.

Each pavement goomty, trade license, commercial tax evasion exemption @ a modest Rs. 25K each, spread over 300 shops/annum x 5 years yields another Rs. 3.75 crore.

Then there are parking lots that have the potential to yield at least a lakh Rupees each spread over, say 100 lots in 5 years, making for a total of another Rs. 5 crore.

Then there is money to be made by short supply of substandard building materials to contractors, say a modest Rs. 5 lakh per building x 1000 buildings for Rs. 50 crore.

Now add disputed property resolution, again at a modest 60% of the average capital value of the property or Rs. 50 lakh/property covering 50 properties (as parents die and kids squabble) in five years that makes for yet another generous Rs. 25 crore.

Then there are civic agency works that are invariably executed by proxies for the councillor Neta that nets at least 30% of the expenditure, or say an average of Rs. 5 lakh/work covering 50 works/annum for a total estimated take of Rs. 12.50 crore.

Last, but not the least, if you also happen to be the President of the auto-rickshaw or taxi owners’ union covering 50K vehicles, the councillor Neta is richer by a modest Rs. 10/day/vehicle or Rs. 91 crore in five years.

That makes for a war chest of Rs. 227.25 crore. Assuming ‘overhead’ costs and tiny redistribution of wealth amongst bouncers and the local thana of about 25%, that still leaves Rs. 170.50 crore in hand.

With that kind of money what does a Neta do? He invests wisely. First he becomes a loan shark with interest rates as high as 12-15%/month and a rope noose at the end of a stick.

Second, he buys real estate, preferably land and builds hotels and resorts upon them, all benaami, of course (in addition to a few commodious penthouse apartments and a weekend farm house).

Third, he buys his wife and daughters all the gold jewellery they ever yearned for.

Fourth, he sets up shell companies that corner govt. contracts and act as cash launderettes @ Rs. 250/company.

Fifth, he acquires businesses in distress but that have goodwill such as restaurants and turns them around. Even if he spends Rs. 100 crore, the ventures he enters, appreciate and profit at the point of a gun, making good his expenses.

That leaves him with Rs. 70 crore to realize his ambition of becoming a minister.

He therefore buys an election ticket for Rs. 10 crore and spends another Rs. 15-20 crore getting elected, aside from financing dummies to ‘cut’ his opponents’ vote share.

He still has enough to ‘invest’ in say, the Mines dept. as minister. Award of mining licenses have the potential to net the Moon, yet say a modest Rs. 10 crore/mining block, spread over 60 mining blocks in three years (five, if he keeps the cash relay race running in good spirit) or Rs. 600 crore.

Then there is river bed sand exploitation, uprooting of forest areas, replanting, environment preservation, etc., each of which holds lot of promise, say at least another Rs. 400 crore in three years.

Then mining barons hire the minister Neta‘s shell companies to do the digging and transportation that is no less lucrative, or say a modest Rs. 10000/truck over 30000 truckloads in three years, making for at least Rs. 30 crore.

In the remaining two years, if he fails, and becomes Animal Husbandry minister, he is still quite happy.

He now gets to select sick Holstein and Jersey cows in Holstein & Jersey, his companies supply animal fodder, vaccines, hessian (to keep the animals warm) aside from sanctioning animal sheds and centres, that are again constructed and maintained by the Neta‘s benaami companies.

For such animal works @ average of Rs. 20 lakh/work for 200 works (with a 40% margin builti-in) ad another Rs. 15-20 crore at least.

Then there are licenses and permits, each one of which @ Rs. 10K over 20000 permits nets another Rs. 20 crore.

The list is endless. In a five year minister’s term, our neta could potentially earn another Rs. 1052 crore.

Assuming 25% overhead costs, that still leaves him Rs. 789 crore to pursue his higher interest such as a shot at the CM’s chair, aside from the income generated from his remunerative caretaking ventures as minister.

This figure exponentially rises with Neta‘s each five-year term.

Bandhugan, now do you realize why the Hindi term for ASSHOLE applies more to us than to those with dubious degrees and no school records?

This is not Das Kapital…….it is Capital Das!! So, get your thinking caps ready for elections are always round the corner in this blessed land.

And remember that the state will pay your salary and allowances, given you an official car and bulk of your earnings will be tax-free.

Happy Deepawali!

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